Breaking the lull, and finding the self

It's been a long long time since I've written.

In fact it's been a while since I've felt like myself at all -powerful, energetic, smiling.The second term of my course has drained whatever was left of my physical and mental energy.

There are a lot of gaping holes now.There is a lack of direction to life,that I am actually enjoying.There is no past,no future.Just this moment.And this is what made my college trip to Vellore a delight.

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We went there to shoot a fifteen minute documentary.After arriving there,on the first day,we had lunch in this absolute mess of a place called Arya Bhavan.Their dosas were floating in oil,and the sambaar tasted like ink.(That's right,I've tasted ink!)Their chilli parota,I'm sure,as delicious as it was,could seriously block a few arteries if you ate it for lunch for a month.

We set out to the Tamil Nadu Science Federation after that,to meet our resource-people.They gave us a broad outline of the topics we could focus on,which were like the usual beats in an newsroom-education,environment and health.My group chose child labour and education.Some rather enthusiastic people even insisted on climbing the Yelagri hills,which were being battered by Thor and Co to see the tribals.I tried to keep a straight face.Yep,I even teased my friend Krash about it.What did they expect?Face-painted,spear-toting,humba-humba chanting blokes who sang and danced around the bonfire and worshipped bottles of country liquor?

So much for not exoticising the marginalized.I gave up.As did my Professor.

In the evening,Krash and 2 other friends- RK and AP went to a delightful place called Chinatown opposite the famous Christian Medical College a.k.a CMC.Then we decided we'd find a bar nearby.There was a good one in a hotel nearby and as RK said,it was "hardly shady".I couldn't suppress a giggle when he said that.It was like a cave and new Tamil songs were playing on overhead TV sets,the lurid colours lighting up the place in flashes.

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Day 2 was desperately and hopelessly pathetic.We started nearly 45 minutes behind schedule.We tromped around two villages,looking at special child labour schools which make sure kids are weaned off their jobs and slowly integrated into mainstream schools eventually.

We skipped lunch because our resource-person was magnificently resourceful and did not expect that the only hotel in the village would be shut.We couldnt go back to town,whcih was a good 20 km away,as we had more work in the village.So we had bread and potato fritters for lunch.I ate half a loaf that was begging for some cheese as company.But I was told very sarcastically that cheese was a luxury item.

I know.No harm in trying for it though,right?:-)

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Day 3 was manna from heaven.It set into motion a frenzy of activity that resulted in all of us shooting a formidable 4 tapes (roughly 240 minutes of footage) within the next 48 hours.I'm not even attempting to explain exactly how we did that.
All we did is go back to the villages and shoot all that we had simply gaped at the previous day.In the pouring rain.

We even followed a kid called Faizana(oh yes,name changed to protect identity)who led us to the dirtiest village river I've ever seen.The banks were strewn with multicoloured plastic bags.Looked like a giant confetti can had exploded over it.The water was a murky,opaque brownish grey and Faizana walked barefoot through the path to the bank.We walked with our expensive running shoes firmly ensconcing themselves in the five different types of shit that were on the way.

Our brave cameraman Saru,in his state of dedicated focusing and defocusing("broadcast language is so showy,humph"),even sat on some shit.No idea what kind.But I was benevolent enough to make it known to the entire lodge in the evening that he had shit on his backside which wasn't even his own.Some laughed,their eyes catching the dim light.Some grimaced.Some chortled till their eyes disappeared.

And lunch?Oh,it was orgasmic.Earth shattering.Lovely,scrumplicious South Indian meals for 15 bucks!One rupee extra for extra appalams (paapads).I was the first to finish everything on my banana leaf.

Then we headed to a one of many leather factories in Ambur,which my Professor called "f*cking fortresses" in her shrill voice.Twice.A few winced.I agreed,because,by the time Saru tried to get shots of any one process in the factory,the tour escort would come and whisk him away.But Saru is like a wall.You can pound and scream,but he won't budge.And he didn't.

The same leather factory owner also talked to his shoe factory owning relative and got us in there.But we couldn't take the camera.So,we had to make do with still cameras.My friend,Niv managed to shoot a small video on that before we were whisked away unceremoniously once again.

On a more serious note,these visits revealed a lot.In the tanning factory,some guys who treated the leather with acid were standing absolutely barefoot while a sign "Caution:Enter with footwear" shone overhead.And nearly all the workers in the shoe factory were women,some of whom have to stand for hours at a stretch.We couldn't even talk to those who looked underage.

Next,we went to more villages in the vicinity.In one place,there was a house where there were children sitting and stitching "uppers" for shoes openly under a thatched roof in the terrace.Oho yeah,field day for us with the camera.We did some interviews and took shots.That is,before the owner of the house realized we were potential mischief- makers and told us to unplug the microphone from the camera.But all cameras have inbuilt mics yaar.:-)

Now,the day was fruitful.My professor even said "You're human,R.You're a good person".The previous day I was behaving like what they call a typical "broadcaster", pushing everyone and telling them we could do without food for a day,and nagging them, and driving everyone,including myself,crazy.So,when she said this,I smiled.
I'm human all right.And very weak.

The one sore point of the day was our resourceperson.The man brushed past my rear during lunch ,while heading to the handwash,which I dismissed as a possible mistake.
But then he insisted on coming in front of the camera when we shot in the factory,and tried to grasp some girl's arm or the other,under the pretext of getting into the van,or saying we're late.I kept running from him.Didn't make a fuss.I think I should have.I told A about it and he was very clear that if people like us didn't speak out,these morons wouldn't learn.

He was right.

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Day 4-we called up a contact another one of our professors had told us about.The gentleman was really sweet and showed us around another school for child labourers.It had a Muslim majority and the kids talked to us in Hindi,much to the delight of my teammates,many of whom found they didn't need me to translate their queries for once.The anklebiters called me "aunty" and I said,nah,akka(elder sister) please.They made us write our names in their notebooks and yelled goodbye into the camera very spiritedly when my pal Meen asked them to.And then,when we got ready to leave,we were asked the question that always leaves me stumped: "You will come back tomorrow?"

I could only stand there,my mouth moving wordlessly.I cannot believe we are using children to sell a story.Such is the nature of what we do,say my professors.

The rest of the day was spent in talking to the "official" chaps who work on the child labour elimination project.They were real darlings.

Went for drinks again.Before dinner this time.It was just me and three of the guys.I wasn't exactly tipsy but RK insisted on cracking jokes in Malayalam that I couldn't help giggling at.He even solemnly told me while leaving the restaurant "R,this is the first step,this is the second.Can you see?" And while I giggled some more and raved to them about how I was grossly misunderstood and a lon(s)er,RK made two very accurate observations.One,I wasn't drunk,but just needed an excuse to talk.And two,that I seemed uncomfortable around and allergic to people.

I was startled.I tried defending myself,but it was pointless.Because RK said what he did based on instinct,not just reason.I knew that.

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Day 5 involved getting up at 12pm and sitting around,watching every movie that had been denied to us by the idiots who had implemented the set top box fiasco in Chennai.

At midnight we gave my friend Niv a surprise birthday bash,and woke up all the other guests in the lodge.Irate and groggy,they dialled the manager's number.We were told to shut up.But the cake was just going around,and the chips hadn't even been opened yet.After another four warnings,we went back to our rooms,a bunch of blubbering postgraduate journalism students in pyjamas and faded T-shirts.

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On day 6,we were ready to leave.We had wrapped up a day earlier than expected.

But the plan was to visit the Vellore fort first.And it was beautiful.The moat was filled and a lazy sparkling granite grey,with green grassy banks.We went to the Jalakantheshwarar temple inside.

I wanted an archanai(Offering.Don't know how else you explain in English.)
For love.For idealism.For hope.For family and friends.
The Lord takes many forms and graces our empty lives.For Him.

The church and mosque in the fort were, unfortunately, closed.We headed back to the lodge,but not before my Professor treated us to gulab-jamuns.:-)
There is still idealism left in this world.In the most unlikely places.

The return journey was blissful.Just miles of grey highway and the azure sky,which turned a deep dark blue when Chennai loomed ahead.

And thus ended what my college touts as its unique feature-a deprivation trip.

I discovered a lot.I learnt a lot.I came back with a smile and a picture of Lord Jalakanteshwarar for Ma.